


My Heart Is A Mess

by dreamingunderthetstars



Series: Snowflakes and Hiccups [2]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies), Rise of the Guardians (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Depression, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, I can't really do punk!hiccup justice sometimes, M/M, Nerd!Jack, Punk!Hiccup, Requited Unrequited Love, Reverse PNAU, Therapy, Triggers, other characters from movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 07:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3641874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamingunderthetstars/pseuds/dreamingunderthetstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the night cloaks the sky, Jack finds himself sitting in the cove where his sister died and where his life changed irrevocably.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Heart Is A Mess

**Author's Note:**

> companion piece to My Mind Is A Wreck

“Do you have anything to share, Jack?” asks the group therapist. Her name’s Ariel. She created the program— _Scars & Stitches_—when she was fresh out of college. It’s for group therapy, for children who are suicidal or have been victims of abuse regardless if the abuse was from family or peers. Ariel was a victim of abuse herself; she was locked in her room ever since she was a little girl, once her mother passed away, and her father was possessive and obsessive with strangers speaking to her. It spiraled to the point of emotional manipulation and slight physical abuse when Ariel turned sixteen and wanted to go to high school. Her cousin (whom she nicknamed Flounder when they were kids) was the one who called the police.

Jack’s been going to these sessions ever since Penelope fell through the ice and three months later found him broken by his parents’ fists and words. His neighbors — Adam and Belle Beau — are the ones who find him.

_A month ago, I tried to kill myself._

_A month ago, I realized that I’m in love with a boy who will never love me._

Jack draws small patterns on his sweatpants. It’s the least “dangerous” article of clothing he owns, his sweatpants and sweater. He sighs but doesn’t speak. He never speaks here. Ariel gives him a comforting smile and turns her attention to Jasmine. Jasmine’s close to Ariel’s age, only twenty-one. Jasmine had a case of domestic violence. She had an arranged marriage and her ex-husband was a wealthy, influential family friend who never let Jasmine out of the house or do whatever she wanted, and ruled with an iron fist.

There’s only seven people attending, counting Jack, Jasmine, and Ariel. There’s twelve-year-old Vanellope, who was harshly bullied at her old all-girls’ school. She was also ignored by her parents but she got adopted by her old kindergarten teacher, Ralph something. The last name escapes Jack because it’s too long to remember and too hard to pronounce. There’s Ella, who was sold into slavery by her step-mother but rescued when she turned eighteen. Then there’s ten-year-old Peter, who was tortured by his orphanage instructor (a man the children called Hook) for years until one of his friends – a girl named Wendy – found him in a pool of his own blood. And then there’s little Yuki White.

But no one likes to talk about what her step-mother did to her. She doesn’t want to talk about it either.

Jasmine replies, “Well, I’m doing a lot better. My boyfriend, Al, is being very supportive and he’s patient with me whenever I have a flashback.”

“That’s great!” Ariel grins. “What’s up with you, Peter?”

Peter looked up and blinked. “Well, I was adopted by Wendy’s parents a couple of week ago. It was why I didn’t go to the last session because I was moving and getting to know them better.”

Ariel’s grin looks as if it’s going to split her face in half. Jack shakes his head fondly. This woman is too cheerful for her own good. Seriously. When the session ends, Ariel reminds everyone of the upcoming events for _Scars & Stitches_. There’s going to be guest-speakers and it’s also open-mic. It’s a gathering of people who are all broken and twisted like them. She passes out flyers like normal and sends them on their way but before he can throw his away, one of his guardians’ walks up to him and notices it.

Even though he’s been with the North family for three years, he can’t bring himself to think of them as family. Because family to Jack means ice and broken lakes and a frozen child and a lunging fist and a screaming mother and a drunk, sick father who has a way with spiteful words.

_“IT SHOULD’VE BEEN YOU!!”_

“You should go,” Tatiana “Tooth” North tells him once they’re in the car. “It’ll be a wonderful experience for you.”

Jack shrugs his shoulders and leans against the door, his cheek pressed against the glass window. Tooth sighs but focuses on driving. Jack can’t help but feel guilty because they’ve given up so much for him and the only thing he gave them in return was a hospital visit and a room filled with puddles of his blood. He can’t bring himself to apologize. He can’t even bring himself to say a simple word.

“Hiccup called,” Emma tells him once they’re home. “You haven’t talked to him in weeks, Jack.”

Jack doesn’t mean to do it but he ignores her. He trudges up the stairs and into his clean, bleached, sharp free room. He doesn’t see the bleached carpet. He sees it stained with his blood, his failure, and his flaws. The therapist that was assigned to him in the hospital tells him that he needs to speak about it, say what’s going on in his head but Jack won’t heed the mans’ words. He can’t.

He lies on his bed. His body aches but there’s nothing bruised or bandaged. All that’s left is his beating heart and his mind. His broken mind. In the dead of the night, he can hear Nikolas and Tooth arguing about him and he hears Emma crying in her bedroom. It makes him curl up in a ball and wish that he would never awake because all he does is break families apart and cause little siblings to fall in the ice.

His name is Jack Frost.

He is the personification of Death and Ice and Suffering.

Rebecca should’ve left him to die.

It would’ve been better for everyone if he were encased in a coffin, six feet underground.

“Jack?”

Emma knocks on his door. It’s open. It’s always open now because they have a festering fear that if it’s closed for a second, he’d truly be dead this time. He doesn’t blame them for their paranoia. Emma walks into his room, holding a phone. “It’s Hookfang,” she tells him. “The others are hanging out at Stormfly’s house. They want to know if you’re up to coming.”

Jack doesn’t respond.

He doesn’t move.

Emma sighs, her breath hitching a little. She clears her throat and says into the phone, “He’s sleeping. Yeah, he had therapy today. No, he hasn’t spoken. Okay. I’ll tell him. Bye.”

Emma hangs up the phone but doesn’t move. She stares at Jack’s immobile form. She sits down on his bed before lying down next to him. Her presence offers Jack peace and strength. She holds his hand in a tight grip. They lay there in silence. Jack can hear Nikolas working on his sculptures in his office and Tooth bustling around to prepare tonight’s dinner. She’s singing along to the radio.

“They miss you,” Emma says. “They told me to tell you that they’re here for you, no matter how many times you push them away. Mom, Dad, and I are here for you too.” She squeezes their hands. “We’re all here for you, Jack. Please, _please_ don’t shut us out any longer.”

_“It’s going to be okay.” Hiccup says, staring into my eyes. “It’s going to be okay, Jack.”_

Jack doesn’t respond and he shuts his eyes closed as his heart seems to weep in his chest and his thoughts become a hurricane in his head.

“We love you, Jack,” Emma whispers. “Flaws and all.”

When the night cloaks the sky, Jack finds himself sitting in the cove where his sister died and his life changed irrevocably. The moon is full and shines down at him, as if it knows something he doesn’t. He can’t help but think of how life would be if he was able to get to his sister in time and sacrificed his life so that she could live. Would his parents harm her as well? Would they blame her for their first child dying like they blamed him? Those are answers he can’t find and will never find because his father is dead and his mother is in jail and Penelope is forever a child.

Hiccup sits down next to him, appearing out of nowhere. He wraps his arms around Jack and Jack curls into his chest, uncaring that he would inevitably mess up Hiccup’s shirt with his tears and snot bubbles. It felt wonderful being held in the arms of the one he was in love with even if it was a one-sided love. Hiccup may see him as a friend or a younger brother or even something that was small and needed to be protected but it could be worse. Jack could have fallen in love with someone who loathed his entire existence.

Hiccup rubs his back, whispering words in another language that Jack knows nothing about. Jack manages to calm his sobs before they both fall silent, content in the serenity of the forest before them.

He falls asleep in Hiccup’s arms.

* * *

People are staring.

They’re whispering.

Of course they’ve heard of Jack Frost and his suicide attempt.

Jack still doesn’t speak. Not a word escapes his lips. Constantly, he’s swarmed by his new group of friends. They walk him to class, speak to him as if he’d respond, and rarely does he get a moment of piece. Rebecca keeps a protective eye on him in art and during lunch but Jack sometimes catches her staring at him with frightened eyes as if she’s seeing him in pools of his own blood and half dead once more.

_“Jack…Jack, please wake up! Oh – God, Jack, don’t do this! Don’t do this! JACK?!? SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULENCE! JACK?! JACK!”_

_“You’re going to be okay, Jack,” whispers a little voice as I fall into ethereal darkness. “It’s going to be okay.”_

He gets a small moment of piece after school, since he hid in the library. The halls are silent and his footsteps echo. He’s just happy to get some breathing room. There’s only so much of his friends that he can handle. Jack is deep in his thoughts as he walks to his locker so he doesn’t hear the door opening or see the hands until it’s too late and he’s crumbled on the floor, in the dark, anxious and afraid.

“I’ve seen the looks you’ve been giving me,” Dagur says.

_Looks? I don’t look at you at all._

“I know you want me. You’re only hanging around Hiccup to get me jealous.”

Jack is frozen. The school is empty save for janitors and some teachers but no one will hear him if he screams. Dagur knows this and Jack sees the psychotic grin stretch over his face. “You’re just a little minx, Jack,” he leers. “And all mine.”

Jack can’t move. He can’t speak. He can’t think.

He’s being straddled and Dagur starts touching his skin, feeling his body, pressing his mouth in places he only wants Hiccup to touch. Jack trembles and tries to speak but he chokes on his panicked sobs. He can feel his anxiety curl around his feet, building. He tries to struggle but Dagur pins him in place effortlessly so any fight just makes him tire more easily. His sobs pour out of his mouth.

Dagur chuckles. “You’re so beautiful.” The football player practically rips his shirt in half to take it off.

He can’t breathe.

“Your skin is so soft,” Dagur murmurs as feather light touches dance over his skin. “Almost like a babies’.”

_This isn’t happening._

_Oh, God, this is happening._

_Stop!_

_No!_

_GET OFF OF ME!_

The words are there but they don’t spill off his tongue because Jack can’t speak and he’s terrified. Jack tries to move, tries to push Dagur off of him, but the boy just laughs as if nothing is wrong and this is perfectly normal. Dagur’s mouth is suddenly on his own. Jack tries to remember how to breathe.

“You’re acting like a virgin, Frost,” Dagur snorts but then he pauses. “ _Are_ you a virgin?”

Jack doesn’t reply but his answer is written across his face and a triumphant smirk is on Dagur’s face and his lips and hands are everywhere and Jack can’t think, he can’t breathe. Stopstopstopstopstopstopnonononononogetoffgetoffgetoffgetoff

When Dagur’s fingers find the zipper to his pants, Jack finds his voice.

“…n-no…”

“What was that? Yes?”

“…st-st-stop…g-get off…”

“I’m sorry, Jack, but I can’t hear you.”

His pants are getting pulled down.

Jack finds the courage to scream. “NO!! GET OFF OF ME!! STOP!!”

Dagur jolts back, shocked by how loud Jack can yell. Already Jack hears thudding footsteps and voices. Jack tries to scramble backwards but Dagur’s face is clouded with rage and he pounces, and a small shriek of pain escaped Jack’s lips. Dagur’s nails dig into his wrists as he grips them tight.

“Listen, bitch,” Dagur whispers harshly. “I’m going to fuck you and you’re going to like it, and then you’ll—,”

And then Dagur is thrown off of him. Jack doesn’t think he’s ever seen Hiccup and Astrid look so furious and terrifying and— “Here,” Stormfly says softly, taking off her hoodie and helping Jack into it. Jack is distracted by Stormfly’s questions of “can you hear me?” and “where did he touch you?” amongst others so that Jack won’t take notice of the tumble of fists and kicks and snarls as Astrid and Hiccup pummel Dagur where he stands.

In the end, Dagur is almost unrecognizable as Hiccup, bloody knuckles and all, scoops him up bridal style and Jack tries his best not to flinch at the touch because this is Hiccup and Hiccup would never, never, never, never be like Dagur, harm him like Dagur. Their army of friends await in front of the closet along with teachers and Jack can see two police officers running in their direction. They all cringe at the dark looks on Hiccup’s and Astrid’s faces.

“He’s in there, names Damien Berserker,” Stormfly tells the police officers, ignoring the teachers. “Assault and Battery. Molestation. Possibly second degree rape.”

The officers go in the closet and Jack knows that Hiccup and Astrid might get an investigation because while they were defending Jack, they also attacked Dagur.

Everything is a blur to Jack and he winds up in the emergency room once more, with a somber Nikolas, a fretting Tooth, and a furious Emma. “Good thing Hiccup found you,” Tooth says, holding Jack’s hand. “I don’t want to think of what might’ve happened if they were too late.”

Jack doesn’t want to think about it either.

He doesn’t want to think about much these days.

* * *

As always, Ariel looks at Jack, smiles, and says, “Anything to say, Jack?”

This time, he doesn’t sigh and blink or look around the room in awkward silence. He looks at the wall behind Ariel, takes a deep breath, and says, “I was almost raped in my school last Thursday.”

They all stare at him. Ariel doesn’t know what to say. Peter makes a choking noise in the back of his throat.

“Was he or she caught?” Yuki asked him.

Jack nodded. “He was. Two of my friends,” _one of them was the boy I loved_ “heard me screaming and were able to get him off of me. He was pretty beaten up when they were done with him.”

“Good,” Yuki says. “That’s good.”

“And I also…I also…” he begins but stops short. He doesn’t know how they’d respond to this, if they’d scorn him for this. They all give him encouraging nods and smiles. Jack closes his eyes as he admits, “I’m also in love with someone who doesn’t love me back.”

“Ooh, that’s got to hurt,” Vanellope says, wincing.

“Is it a boy or a girl?” asks the new boy, Kristof. He was kidnapped by a family (the Truls) when he was around six years old, along with his twin brother Sven. Sven refused to come to the sessions. “I mean, I don’t care if your gay or not. Love is love to me.”

The others pipe in then, saying they didn’t care about the gender of the one he loves. Jack smiles, wondering why he doubted them. “His name’s Hiccup,” he says.

“Ooh, I’ve heard of him!” Vanellope says as she bounces hyperactively in her seat. “Isn’t he the boy who’s a delinquent?”

Jack snorts. “Yeah but he’s really a softy at heart. But don’t tell him I told you that,” Jack says and rolls his eyes. “He’ll complain that I’m ruining his reputation.”

They all laugh at that and when Jack walks out of the building where _Scars & Stitches _is held once it’s over, he squeaks in surprise when he sees Hiccup standing outside, waiting for him. He’s there to walk him home. The group session gave him a burst of confidence and even if Hiccup might hate him for it or might hurt him for his confession, at least he’d get it off his chest.

“Hiccup,” Jack says, stopping as they walk. Hiccup looks at him, curious.

“Yeah, snowflake?”

“I…” Jack takes a deep breath. “I love you and it’s okay if you hate me now or don’t like me back or if things become awkward now, I just needed to say this because I love you. I really, really do and this isn’t some crush. I’ve felt like this for you for months now and—,”

Oh, God.

He’s rambling.

And Hiccup’s staring.

“Snowflake, I thought….” Hiccup starts, swallowing. “I thought you liked Rebecca.”

Jack blinks at him. “Me? Like Punzie? That’d be equivalent to being in love with Toothless.”

Hiccup shudders but then hope blossoms in Jack’s stomach and he whispers, “Wait…do you like me?”

“Snowflake, I’ve loved you since freshman year,” Hiccup says, stepping closer before wrapping his arms around Jack. “I’m not going to kiss you because I know you aren’t ready for that after Dagur but I hope you don’t mind hugs.”

Jack beams into Hiccup’s chest, happy that he doesn’t have to explain to Hiccup that he can’t stand the thought anyone touching his lips like that again – at least, not so soon. “I don’t mind them at all.”

**Author's Note:**

> C H A R A C T E R S  
> Ariel - Ariel in The Little Mermaid  
> Adam and Belle Beau - Belle and the Beast in Beauty & the Beast  
> Jasmine - Jasmine from Aladdin  
> Vanellope - Vanellope from Wreck it Ralph!  
> Ella - Cinderella from Cinderella  
> Peter - Peter Pan from Peter Pan'  
> Yuki White - Snow White from Snow White  
> Kristof - Kristof from Frozen


End file.
